Hi...remember me? According to my login, it has been almost three months since I was on here and posted anything. Lots of things have happened since then, way too much to encapsulate in one blog but since I am sporadic at best; I will touch on some milestones...
First and foremost; I am done with school (until I go back for my master's and doctorate someday) and I think I have found where I need to be...
Second-I will never have to set foot in macaroni grill after five years to cook again...fuck yes
Third- I think I have found what I have been looking for with my new job/career
Fourth- For a brief time my heart was working again, but do not fret it limps on...
So yeah, I am done with school (for a while at least) no more randumb regurgitations of archaic social philosophies, no more three hour night classes railing against misogynistic social structures, and sadly no more open debate between my peers and professors...damn I like debating. As you can ascertain, this is a bitterweet passage for me. I sometimes worry that my mental capacities will slowly deteriorate like a steel boat hull rusting a shallow pond, but at the same time I do not miss filling my time doing remedial tasks to validate paying an institution $4000 a semester. I would be lying if I said that I would miss the encouragement of my professors, Dr. Husting, Dr. Tafoya-Estrada, and Dr. Romero changed my life in their own ways and I will miss such amazingly intellectual people telling ME that I was gifted in sociology. It was nice after spending so many years living in stoner pads and living in a prolonged imitation of a hunter thompson novel for ten years. That being said I learned alot through my internship at BSU and realize that the very idea of upper level education requires me to play ball with the ivory tower syndrome I have grown to loath about college systems...that distance created between those "we" as academics are "studying to help" connotates the same problem I have with anthropologists usually, it is hard to study something and not feel above them in some social or power level....I don't want to get into this now; so moving on...
Macaroni Grill...how I love/loathe thee. I hated the frenetic workpace and machiavellian management tactics. That being said I met so many amazing friends and people there. I will always love some of these people, I met Raach, Liz, Smeags, Chels, Calhound, Kenny, Sammy, Remi, Sam, Elias, Chad, Jake, Dev, Creeps, Sierra, Kristen, and so many others I can't remember right now that I will always treasure...with that being said though; fuck that place...I hated that goddamn job hahaha
With a little luck, social charm and a $30,000 piece of paper I now have a career begining. It is not a job most would glorify or even want but I love it already. I can also already tell that there will be days that will make me smile and days that will make me cry. This job will fulfill me and destroy me at times. As of next week I will be flying solo as a PSR (psycho social rehabilitationalist) and I will be work predominantly with children that come from situations that make most of our childhoods look like leave it beaver. The money is ok and the stress will be high, but I am so excited to be somewhere I can make a difference, even if it is a slow one. If can truly help someone advance their life from this experience then I can sleep easy knowing that I am one of those people actually out their working and helping those in need; instead of sitting in a library writing about something I will never truly face or understand.
Speaking of hearts, I have spent the last couple months seeing an amazing girl. She has restored my faith in women to some extent haha. Unfortunately life is not nearly as amazing as we were and I think that we have had to part ways to some extent. I am not going to lie it sucks terribly but I have never had that much faith in life dealing fair cards anyways. Still it was nice to experience something so beautiful even if it was fleeting and after the trainwreck of the last few years it feels nice to have remembered the joys another person can bring when you actually let them within your walls that your mind and heart build sometimes...
Anyways...it is summer and I refuse to sit in here typing and listening to okkervil river all day, so I am off into the sun with my friends and am going to swim the rest of the day away...maybe I will have some deep metaphysical message next time or some fart jokes...regardless I just wanted to post that I am still here and I am still standing...
