Hi...been a while right? I keep thinking I should write one of these and have been putting it off, this leads me to one conclusion...I am happy. Really, shit has been comparitively good for me these last few weeks (with the exception of financial problems but who doesn't have those?) and I think that malcontent and theory cause alot of these posts to spring forth from me. I wish I could spring some socially significant analysis of a current event or delve into the inner social pysche of those of us locked within America's flawed capitalist, misogynist, sexist, racist, (insert any other 'ist' I omitted here...) paradigm but I don't feel up to it today. Nor does the smile on my face desire to disappear (until 4 when I walk into my little occupational version of the 'allegory of the cave' at mac shack). You are probably wondering if someone hacked my account about now and rightfully so. That cynical, drunken, sarcastic, and nihilistic bastard some of you have grown to love/loathe has not been on the forefront of my life these days...don't believe me? Count them up....
3 weeks since I have smoked a cigarette (after smoking for roughly 13 years)
3 weeks of working out roughly 5 days a week
2.5 weeks since I have partaken in 'illegal' substance 'abuse' aka dt 'fun'
20 pounds, that I have lost since fixing some of my eating habits
15 minute sessions on the elliptical (on the first day I could barely do 2 minutes)
100 pound presses and climbing (give me a break it has been a long time since lifting)
Some pretty good number crunching if I say so myself (and I do because I am a narcissistic blogger). Anyways the point being that every five years or so I choose to reinvent myself and I feel that coming on these days. Some of you don't know this but when I was in ontario (and part of my boise time) I went without drugs and drinking (except maybe a few drinks once every couple months) for almost 4 years...this is excluding weed (which ironically I can't stand anymore). So this public self portrait I have painted these last few years is just that...a momentary artistic representation of what I was for a time period. Here's the tricky part; if you don't support me in my choice to not destroy myself through these aforementioned facets, then kindly excuse yourself from my life. No offense but I have spent way too long living in the 'now' without a thought to the future and it has led me to a point in which I have become very unhappy with both the state of my mind and body. I am doing what I can to remedy this and don't misconstrue this as a preachy straightedge rant...I will end the suspense and tell you right now I will never be straightedge and I will always 'dabble' in trouble but at this particular juncture in life I choose to explore other aspects of the human existence (health, relationships, sober fun, etc).
Also I am so stoked that I have such amazing friends that do understand what I am doing these days. It has been really great reconnecting with some people I haven't seen as much when powdering away my time. Especially my macaroni girls, they almost seem more excited than I am about this new endeavor, and as lame as it sounds; it is nice to find validation. So if you are looking for me on the weekend; try a movie theater, stroh's, the bombshelter, the gym, or other locations outside of mulligans. I hope you know that I am in no way judging any of you that are continuing on the old pathway, it is laden with fun reckless times and lot's of entertainment...it's just that I have hit a point in life where I spent years living each day like it was my last and woke up 28 years old with a confused/destroyed body and mind from years of nihilistic mantras...over it
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