Alive with the Glory of Love...aka don't blog when listening to Say Anything

I was thinking about death today...
not in the semi-typical emo-esque glorified manor (as per many blogging ventures), but rather as an ending. Moreover, it seems that the dichotomous relationship of life-death only seems more vivid when they are brushed within close proximity of each other. That elated feeling of a near-death experience...that rush of over-engulfing endorphines saturating your brain with that almost sexually-ecstatic feeling of joy. THAT feeling. This put me on a weird tangent thinking about feelings...in life we are always told that basic feelings are akin to: happy, sad, mad, tired, hungry, horny, jealous, etc. To me this seems to trivialize the entire human experience in the same way that an artist would probably feel after being asked to paint masterpieces for the rest of her/his life using only un-mixed primary colors...somehow that led to me thinking about eulogies and how strange they really are in a way.

Eulogies seem so ironic to me because they are everything nice other people can remember and speak about you...when you can't fucking hear them. How funny that so many people can always seem to say what is in their hearts after the aforementioned 'person of interest' has left this life. I try really hard to let the important people in my life know how much they mean to me as much as possible (because let's face it, people in our crowd live a life that can abruptly end sometimes). Eulogies...still stuck on that idea, I think it would be interesting to perform your own eulogy. After the obligatory thank you's and love doling, shit would probably get pretty interesting. That being said I think I would want to expand on some of the aforementioned feelings of life that I would miss...so here is a list of things I will miss when I die (outside of those boring 'primary' emotions I mentioned earlier).

- The amazing scent of rain hitting desert dirt and sagebrush...since childhood this has been one of my favorite smells in this existence...I wish I could bottle it up and wear it

-The immediate feeling of relief when you dive into a REAL lake in the middle of a hot july day...

-The little tugging bite some girls give your bottom lip when kissing goodbye

-The sound of a distorted guitar ringing out an E power chord through a powerful marshall stack and house sytem

-That feeling of hugging someone in a way that can only imply that for a moment in time everything will truly be 'ok'

-That awesome smell that books have when they have been printed 50 years ago or longer

- The feeling of telling a boss at some shit job to "go fuck themselves" and walking out. I have done this three times in my life and if you haven't done it; you should try...it is quite liberating and enpowering

-The memory of eating mushrooms with your best friend and doing absolutely nothing but laying in the city park grass watching the moon rise and set...try it someday

- The feeling you get in your stomach the first time you hear your stupid band being played on fm radio

-That awesome scratchy sound of listening to a really old vinyl on a record player...preferably neil young or beatles

-That reassuring hug that only a mother can give when your life is so fucked up that you don't know what to do

- Laughing so hard that you begin to gag and almost vomit

- Arguing crazy philosophical and social theories with other people that can hold a rational debate

- Beating Mario Brothers 2 in twenty minutes (I would miss that)

- Seeing 1,000 people cheering and dancing to music that you wrote and created. It is an ethereal feeling to see people connect to such a private form of self expression...it still gives me chills

- That look of trust that your dog gives you, ensuring that you are indeed the number one priority in it's eyes

- Not to be crass but let's be honest...unprotected sex feels pretty fucking awesome...don't lie

- Watching a sun rise after having a completely crazy night that you won't ever forget (or in some cases remember)


anyways...those are some of the things I would miss in this life...maybe it's time to think about these things and try to incorporate more of them in our day to day life?